Google Trends

I've been spending a lot of time on Google Trends lately. It charts the popularity of search phrases over a time range. They recently syndicated the site so I now subscribe in Google Reader. I also discovered the ability to compare multiple terms (just separate with a comma). Unfortunately they don't have timeframes smaller than a month. I was curious if the word "bored" peaked right before the end of the workday. Anyway give it a try its  an excellent time sink.

Yesterday was thrilling as "Phosgene" (chemical discovered in UN Nations building) saw the biggest jump throughout the day however "Britney Spears No Pants" dethroned "Phosgene" in the evening. Way to go Britney. Now who's Toxic!

My favorite joke

I have a horrible memory. Its not surprising considering the flood of information we are faced with everyday. Most of the time forgetting details is of little consequence, however failing to remember somethings can prove socially embarrassing. That's why I have my bad memory fall back joke. Its mostly open in the middle but the beginning and the end are always the same. You start telling someone how bad your memory is and how you ALWAYS forget things. And forgetting got to become so embarrassing that you invented a hilarious joke about how bad your memory is. Next is the open ended part where your rely on your creativity. For instance, "I told it at the company holiday party and had the Manager of accounting sprayed Ginger Ale out of her nose". This is all the buildup. You just talk for awhile telling your captive listener how funny the joke is, until they ask "What is it?". Then the obvious response.."I forgot."

On occasion your story won't interest the distracted listener and she'll fail to speak the set up phrase. In which my best advice is to use your imagination and play out the appropriate conclusion in your head. Laugh at your simulated response then walk away from said listener.

American Seagulls

So I'm leaving the 711 this morning after my stop for my morning Iced Tea and two seagulls are in my way chowing down on a bagel. One immediately notices my approaching car, but the second keeps eating till I'm about 10 feet from him. Then he looks up and stares at me with about half of a bagel hanging from his mouth. Rather than dropping the bagel and flying away, he scurryies to the side with the huge bagel still lodged in his beak.

Lesson in sharing...

I'm sure a lot of you read both Scott Adam's and my blog. For those of you who only read mine, I'd recommend reading Scott Adam's blog he's the author of the Dilbert blog. His blog is almost on the same level of mine. You might have noticed today how he mentioned aural implants? Anyone know where he got the idea? Well observant smaller readers will know it was from yesterday posts. Scott emailed me yesterday asking to borrow my idea because he runs out of ideas. I was hesistant at first, then I remember my Holes idea and thought Scott would be a perfect spokesperson for my idea. So I agree he could mention aural implants IF AND ONLY IF he spoke about my holes idea. So there you go... I'm always willing to lend a hand to a fellow blogger.

Chair yoga

My seating postions throughout the work day..

1. Both feet on the floor.
2. Right leg extended on top of the tower, left foot on the floor.
3. Left leg extended against cubicle brace, right foot on floor.
4. Sit on left leg, Right leg on the floor.
5  Sit on right leg, Left leg on the floor.
6. Right leg crossed over Left leg.
7. Legs extended both resting on top of computer tower with ankles crossed (extra laid back mode).

It seems like a lot but I'll usually go through all of these before lunch. I'm really fidgety. I'm always looking for new positions.

If your still interested about my leg positions at work. I have posters with pictures of all of them. They look real good on the wall of your college dorm.

Upgrades

So I've been thinking a lot lately about work...life..  bionic upgrades I might splurge on if I don't win the mega jackpot until 2030. OK so mostly I've been thinking about the latter. Here's a quick rundown of my cyborg wish list...

Bladder expander

I make at least a dozen trips to the B-room a day. All that zipping, unzipping, hand washing, hand drying time adds up. Of course I don't where I'd store the expander because I'm a skinny guy with not much extra space. One option might be wearing a backpack with my expanded bladder, but then people would inevitably keep asking "What you got in there?". Maybe a better idea could be some enhanced liquid processing system where I could drink a ton but then it would evaporate (hopefully not leaving a smell).

Permanent Memory Storage

This one initially seemed like a great idea. Wouldn't we all like to remember everything that ever happened? Then I started worrying about sifting through all my job-related info when I'm trying to remember the tanning lotion with the highest SPF when I'm on vacation at the beach. Not ideal.  So I need some software to control what memories go in and go out. Or maybe removable drives? But that sounds way dangerous because then what if they get stolen? Or what if someone uploads a virus in an offline drive? I don't know maybe my current system of forgetting isn't that bad. At least its safe.

Aural Implants

OK this is really just a cool way of saying i want headphone embedded in my ears. But there's obvious dangers hear as well. Because my implants are embedded I need some wireless way of streaming sound to my ears, which may leave doors open to spam and advertising. Just imagine walking through the mall with your aural implants having a discussion with your wife on the phone when all the sudden ...

"ATTENTION SHOPPERS: MACY'S IS HAVING A ONE DAY SALE ON ALL BED AND BATH PRODUCTS"

You can't exactly rip embedded implants out of your ears. I mean there's have to be some volume control but what if that backfired. What if terrorists got you and found out about the implants? They might endlessly loop "Chocolate Rain" till my ears start bleeding and I divulge all our countries secrets.

So that's where I'm at for the time being. Most of my ideas sound good initially but have drawbacks. I'll have to think more about it later. What would you get if you could get a bionic implant?

Hungry Reader!

I need more blogs people! I recently cleaned my feed reader on google and got rid of some stuff that I can't keep up with. Now I feel like I never see any new posts. If anyone who reads this has a blog or has a friend with a blog.. Let me know. Don't think I woudn't enjoy reading about your pointless life as well.

Bamboozled!

A crew member of Man vs Wild has come forward announcing adventurer Bear Grylls has stayed in hotels during the filming of his Surival series. It doesn't matter to us Bear. You can eat blueberry pancakes in the morning at the Holiday Inn, just as long as your drinking water from elephant dung in the afternoon we still love you.

TV 'survival king' stayed in hotels

Seven surefire ways to boost your Internet Speed!

1. Grease your internet cable.

2. Place your Computer tower below your network jack. This causes the bits to flow downward. That makes faster bits! (*Recommended for downloading only)

3. If your lucky enough to have wireless internet place a large fan behind your router facing the direction of your network. You'll surf faster and stay cool!

4. Add a spoiler to your router. Honestly i don't understand the physics behind this one, but it works!

5. Stream music from the Rocky soundtrack. The Rocky bits will help pump up the "loafer" bits that tend to loiter and congest the pipeline.

6. Stay away from sites with vulgar language, nudity and violence. This dirt builds up in your cables and can be a big slow down.

7. Walk your laptop in the directions of your downloads. If your not sure who's hosting the files. Call up the webmaster and ask him where he lives. He'll be more than happy to give out his address.

The Answer is in!

I did some research during lunch and found out that the Menthol in mint gum is responsible for creating the cold sensation when you drink water. Yes the same menthol used in Vicks, Mouthwash, cigarettes and a myriad of other products. Supposedly the chemical increases your cell's tolerance for cold, so while the water is not actually any colder it feels colder due to a heighten sensitivity. The opposite is true of capsaicin found in hot peppers which increases the cells sensitivity to heat. So I wonder if rubbing hot peppers all over my body will help me feel warmer at work when the AC is blasting....

Just dying to know...

Why does water taste like 20 degrees colder when your chewing mint gum? There's got be an answer. Maybe I'll research this more when I get free time.

David Wright's seeds

Any baseball fan knows the dugout snack of choice is sunflower seeds. Any Mets fan knows David Wright is quite a jokester. My "dyeing to know" question... Has David Wright every falsy claimed a bag of David® sunflower seeds? When told they weren't his, did he respond "But they have my name on them?" I bet the odds are pretty high. I'd give it two to one.

Why I’m a Computer Programmer (cont.)

Take Two. Today I'm walking up the SAME set of steps and I hear a lady going down. I do my best to avoid eye contact so I don't have to greet them. As I pass by she says "hey!". My riposte…"Hi how are you?" Nailed it.  I look back down the steps after passing her to see who I just blindly greeted…

 Miss. Cellphone!!!!! argghhh

Why I’m a Computer Programmer

Yesterday on my morning hike up the stairs to our third floor office, I became reminded why I don't have a flashy sales job or fancy management position. I followed a younger woman up and as we arrived at the second floor door, she opened the door and held it up open and looked at me as if inquiring if I'm coming to the second floor. This was a very polite gesture on her part. Now the normal reaction would be for me to say something to effect of "No thanks, I'm going to the third floor" or even just "going up" and add a smile. But in my lack of communication skills shined brightly this morning. Unable to think of the right thing to say I looked her in the eyes and moved my lips forming some unintelligible sentence with no volume. I'm not sure why this happens, but my vocal chord seems to always fail me in certain situations. I looked away then continued walking up to the third floor.

I assume there's some part of the brain that's responsible for translating ideas into the English language. I'm guessing that function of my brain is either missing or severely retarded. Maybe it's not my vocal chords fault. They just serve as my last defense against uttering caveman grunts. They have learned to make up for my brain's malfunction. At the last second they choose not to "activate" and save me from further embarrassment.

test

test

back again

What better to do on a rainy October day, then catch up on some over due blogging. Much of my blogging "vacation" was due to short-lived infatuation with world of warcraft which seems to be at end. Now things are in high gear preparing for our wedding in November. I've also stopped working on SOT (my mud in planning) to work on a new multimedia project (potentially lucrative mind you).

I have very few if any legitimate complaints about World of Warcraft. Contrary to my initial concerns, the game was not all graphic hype with poor gameplay. It was evident Blizzard paid a lot of attention to Game Balance and the leveling which while many believe was accomplished too easily, I found to fit my busy schedule just right. Two aspects of the game that really won me over were the mindblowing universe and interaction with other players. WoW is huge. So large that you can't fairly compare to other non MMORPG's. Just running between two of the large human cities Ironforge and Storwind could take you well over an hour. Its hard not to fall in love with home cities of main races. Although I experienced heavy lag in the main cities until I upgraded to 1GB ram, the architecture and and immense size of these areas are indescribable unless you play the game. WoW uses the idea of instances to allow multiple players to group together to enter a dungeon and do battle with more difficult NPC's. These instances derive their name due to the fact they are created uniquely for each group that enters them allowing multiple copies of the instance to be entered at the same time without one party having to wait until another party is through. Here is where player interaction really shines. The large expansive world suddenly shrinks allowing for more of group based intimate experience. I get a similar feeling like I got when we I used to play multiplayer Gauntlet for Gamecube. Even better is when you can get the rest of your party to use application such as Teamspeak which allow everyone to use their pc microphone to talk over the internet.

Pizzam

Wow nearly a month without a post, this summer is surely keeping me busy. For all you pizza lovers out out there... (come on admit it.. It's OK to be over 15 and still love finger food) I've found THE site for making the very best pizzas at home. http://www.pizzamaking.com In their forums you'll find discussion about quality ingredients and methods used to make Neapolitan, NY Style, Chicago and anything else you crave. I've been playing around myself with some new sauces and cheeses and have immediately noticed a difference. Unfortunatley the whole dough spinning thing still has me befuddled. Last night I spent nearly a half hour just trying to form something that resembled a circle. Ah well, like everything else I suppose the learning is the fun part.

Are sweatshops that BAD?

I"ll admit I'm really naive when it comes to this topic, but I can't understand why we are so supposed to pity all these workers in third world countries who make our clothes. Are they bound by some type of contract that forbids them from leaving their jobs? If so, that sounds like a government problem. I'm assuming there country offers no better opportunities in terms of employment. I would think most people would be grateful for having a large corporation move work overseas into their country. Obviously the low wages are must be not be so insignificant to them if they are working 12 hour or more days. I'm in no way trying to justify this labor, I just wish when the facts are presented in all the left wing documentaries that they would at least compare there lifestyles to those of other people in their country not ours. Sure by our standards their bathrooms are horrible and they have no breaks, but everyone knows we live in a stuck up country and that our view is no where near a good representation other citizens of this world. Anyone reading this, I'd more than appreciate you clearing this up for me and adding any other information.

thou shalt not covet thy neighbors wireless

I like most poor apartment dwellers have been know to leech off a neighbors unprotected wifi network. The case usually being that I'm waiting for my own service to set up. It's amazing how many open networks you find just crusing slowly through the apartment complex with your laptop. A course should be taught on basic wifi security. My first network I set up two years back I was very strict and locked everything down tight, mac restriction, wep, non-broadcasted ssid and had no problems. It wasn't until this year, when I had to remove some of my settings to get my xbox live working that I actually had unsolicited visitors. Well admittedly pissed off at first, after I relaxed I thought it might be fun to play around with the neighbors. I mean they are using MY network doesn't that give me the right to all the data they are sending across? So I decided to explore options of trapping or redirecting their output requests. Unfortunately I found my router had no real capabilites (outside rewriting the firmware) of giving me access to outbound requests. A little more investigation and I found that hubs unlike the switches built into most modern routers will actually transmit signals to all hosts. Sounds like a possibly? Now that I'm in NJ and just got my cable internet set up, I'm looking for some guinea pigs. As soon as I get my old school hub and set up my ad hoc stalker network I"ll be sure to write more.

apple alarm

In an ongoing effort to automate my lifestyle and further geekify my existence, I am designing a custom alarm clock using Applescript and my iBook. I was very surprised to learn how easy it was to invoke other applications via Applescript. Currently my alarm is set to begin playing an iTunes playlist 10 minutes before I have to wake up. The volume starts very soft and builds until my wake up time. At wake up time, new music follows along with a voice automated greeting informing me of the current time and the current weather (this part is still in the works).The next stage is even louder music coupled with loud time announcements every five minutes. The getweather bit is basically a screen scrape of weather.com using curl...

curl -s http://www.weather.com/outlook/travel/businesstraveler/local/$1 | grep '&temp' |
sed s/.*36hr\&temp=/'The current temperature is '/g |
sed s/\&uv.*\&cond/' degrees. The current condition is '/g |
sed s/\&templ1.*/' '/g |
sed s/=clear_mostly/'mostly clear.'/g |
sed s/=cloud_partly/'partly cloudy.'/g |
sed s/=cloud_mostly/'mostly cloudy.'/g

This should work at least until they changed their page structure. As far as I know weather.com does not have free web services. BUUT if they did, I could use Applescript's built in Soap request functionality! Anyway this will be fine for now. I'm also looking into creating scripts to log into web mail and retrieve my messages, and eventually tie that to some voice response system so I could call in on my cell and get my email. Thats a little far off for now, but will keep me busy. Besides I can't automate too much, I spend most of my day sitting around being lazy anyway.