Google Trends

I've been spending a lot of time on Google Trends lately. It charts the popularity of search phrases over a time range. They recently syndicated the site so I now subscribe in Google Reader. I also discovered the ability to compare multiple terms (just separate with a comma). Unfortunately they don't have timeframes smaller than a month. I was curious if the word "bored" peaked right before the end of the workday. Anyway give it a try its  an excellent time sink.

Yesterday was thrilling as "Phosgene" (chemical discovered in UN Nations building) saw the biggest jump throughout the day however "Britney Spears No Pants" dethroned "Phosgene" in the evening. Way to go Britney. Now who's Toxic!

My favorite joke

I have a horrible memory. Its not surprising considering the flood of information we are faced with everyday. Most of the time forgetting details is of little consequence, however failing to remember somethings can prove socially embarrassing. That's why I have my bad memory fall back joke. Its mostly open in the middle but the beginning and the end are always the same. You start telling someone how bad your memory is and how you ALWAYS forget things. And forgetting got to become so embarrassing that you invented a hilarious joke about how bad your memory is. Next is the open ended part where your rely on your creativity. For instance, "I told it at the company holiday party and had the Manager of accounting sprayed Ginger Ale out of her nose". This is all the buildup. You just talk for awhile telling your captive listener how funny the joke is, until they ask "What is it?". Then the obvious response.."I forgot."

On occasion your story won't interest the distracted listener and she'll fail to speak the set up phrase. In which my best advice is to use your imagination and play out the appropriate conclusion in your head. Laugh at your simulated response then walk away from said listener.

American Seagulls

So I'm leaving the 711 this morning after my stop for my morning Iced Tea and two seagulls are in my way chowing down on a bagel. One immediately notices my approaching car, but the second keeps eating till I'm about 10 feet from him. Then he looks up and stares at me with about half of a bagel hanging from his mouth. Rather than dropping the bagel and flying away, he scurryies to the side with the huge bagel still lodged in his beak.

Lesson in sharing...

I'm sure a lot of you read both Scott Adam's and my blog. For those of you who only read mine, I'd recommend reading Scott Adam's blog he's the author of the Dilbert blog. His blog is almost on the same level of mine. You might have noticed today how he mentioned aural implants? Anyone know where he got the idea? Well observant smaller readers will know it was from yesterday posts. Scott emailed me yesterday asking to borrow my idea because he runs out of ideas. I was hesistant at first, then I remember my Holes idea and thought Scott would be a perfect spokesperson for my idea. So I agree he could mention aural implants IF AND ONLY IF he spoke about my holes idea. So there you go... I'm always willing to lend a hand to a fellow blogger.

Chair yoga

My seating postions throughout the work day..

1. Both feet on the floor.
2. Right leg extended on top of the tower, left foot on the floor.
3. Left leg extended against cubicle brace, right foot on floor.
4. Sit on left leg, Right leg on the floor.
5  Sit on right leg, Left leg on the floor.
6. Right leg crossed over Left leg.
7. Legs extended both resting on top of computer tower with ankles crossed (extra laid back mode).

It seems like a lot but I'll usually go through all of these before lunch. I'm really fidgety. I'm always looking for new positions.

If your still interested about my leg positions at work. I have posters with pictures of all of them. They look real good on the wall of your college dorm.

Upgrades

So I've been thinking a lot lately about work...life..  bionic upgrades I might splurge on if I don't win the mega jackpot until 2030. OK so mostly I've been thinking about the latter. Here's a quick rundown of my cyborg wish list...

Bladder expander

I make at least a dozen trips to the B-room a day. All that zipping, unzipping, hand washing, hand drying time adds up. Of course I don't where I'd store the expander because I'm a skinny guy with not much extra space. One option might be wearing a backpack with my expanded bladder, but then people would inevitably keep asking "What you got in there?". Maybe a better idea could be some enhanced liquid processing system where I could drink a ton but then it would evaporate (hopefully not leaving a smell).

Permanent Memory Storage

This one initially seemed like a great idea. Wouldn't we all like to remember everything that ever happened? Then I started worrying about sifting through all my job-related info when I'm trying to remember the tanning lotion with the highest SPF when I'm on vacation at the beach. Not ideal.  So I need some software to control what memories go in and go out. Or maybe removable drives? But that sounds way dangerous because then what if they get stolen? Or what if someone uploads a virus in an offline drive? I don't know maybe my current system of forgetting isn't that bad. At least its safe.

Aural Implants

OK this is really just a cool way of saying i want headphone embedded in my ears. But there's obvious dangers hear as well. Because my implants are embedded I need some wireless way of streaming sound to my ears, which may leave doors open to spam and advertising. Just imagine walking through the mall with your aural implants having a discussion with your wife on the phone when all the sudden ...

"ATTENTION SHOPPERS: MACY'S IS HAVING A ONE DAY SALE ON ALL BED AND BATH PRODUCTS"

You can't exactly rip embedded implants out of your ears. I mean there's have to be some volume control but what if that backfired. What if terrorists got you and found out about the implants? They might endlessly loop "Chocolate Rain" till my ears start bleeding and I divulge all our countries secrets.

So that's where I'm at for the time being. Most of my ideas sound good initially but have drawbacks. I'll have to think more about it later. What would you get if you could get a bionic implant?

Hungry Reader!

I need more blogs people! I recently cleaned my feed reader on google and got rid of some stuff that I can't keep up with. Now I feel like I never see any new posts. If anyone who reads this has a blog or has a friend with a blog.. Let me know. Don't think I woudn't enjoy reading about your pointless life as well.

Bamboozled!

A crew member of Man vs Wild has come forward announcing adventurer Bear Grylls has stayed in hotels during the filming of his Surival series. It doesn't matter to us Bear. You can eat blueberry pancakes in the morning at the Holiday Inn, just as long as your drinking water from elephant dung in the afternoon we still love you.

TV 'survival king' stayed in hotels

Seven surefire ways to boost your Internet Speed!

1. Grease your internet cable.

2. Place your Computer tower below your network jack. This causes the bits to flow downward. That makes faster bits! (*Recommended for downloading only)

3. If your lucky enough to have wireless internet place a large fan behind your router facing the direction of your network. You'll surf faster and stay cool!

4. Add a spoiler to your router. Honestly i don't understand the physics behind this one, but it works!

5. Stream music from the Rocky soundtrack. The Rocky bits will help pump up the "loafer" bits that tend to loiter and congest the pipeline.

6. Stay away from sites with vulgar language, nudity and violence. This dirt builds up in your cables and can be a big slow down.

7. Walk your laptop in the directions of your downloads. If your not sure who's hosting the files. Call up the webmaster and ask him where he lives. He'll be more than happy to give out his address.

The Answer is in!

I did some research during lunch and found out that the Menthol in mint gum is responsible for creating the cold sensation when you drink water. Yes the same menthol used in Vicks, Mouthwash, cigarettes and a myriad of other products. Supposedly the chemical increases your cell's tolerance for cold, so while the water is not actually any colder it feels colder due to a heighten sensitivity. The opposite is true of capsaicin found in hot peppers which increases the cells sensitivity to heat. So I wonder if rubbing hot peppers all over my body will help me feel warmer at work when the AC is blasting....

Just dying to know...

Why does water taste like 20 degrees colder when your chewing mint gum? There's got be an answer. Maybe I'll research this more when I get free time.